Sunday, 1 February 2015

Exodus: a review (of sorts)

Over at I have been posting movie reviews as a character from my novel: Fire and Thorn. He's a bit of burly lad, something of a rogue, anyway, here's his view on latest cinema blockbuster.

Hey there,
Bastorn reportn’ in.
Just got in from a rainy night in Georgia, but the less said about that broad the better. So where have ya been? Me, I bin to the movies again. This time it was summin’ biblical about this guy who was brother to king whatever his name was. Exodus: Gods and Kings, staring Batman no less, only this time he goes by the name Mo.
It’s all set in sunny Egypt. We see a loada guys sweatin’ it out under the lash building them ancient monuments for the whiny kings. Like, they had nothin’ better to do than sit around eating figs all day. Anyway, old Mo ends up travelin’ the length and breadth of the country casing the joint for the head honcho and he don’t like what he sees. So he has a pow-wow with the chiefs of the Jewish quarter and he learns a few things. On his way back to his sweet ride a couple of lads accost him in a shady alley and bang, kapow the cape crusader gives ‘em what for.
We’ll time goes by and the story gets back to the new king, Mo’s uppity brother Ram. Well one thing leads to another and they nearly come to blows. The upshot of it all is poor old Mo gets exiled and here’s where the funky stuff begins.
Many years later, it’s long movie, and old Mo is out tending sheep when he’s caught in a mud slide. This kid appears, who knows just a bit too much. Well he starts sayin’ stuff that gets Mo a thinkin’. Just suffices to say that Mo sets out to settle the score with his brother Ram. On his way he stops by the slave quarry and see things have got worse. Now old Batman gets even more determined. When he reaches the city he starts a teachin’ them boys ninja skills. Pretty soon they’re out causin’ trouble all over the Hood.
Then the kid is back sayin’ ‘Sit back old man and watch a pro work.’ Boy can that kid do stuff. Rivers turn to blood, there’s frogs, flies and boils everywhere and the kid’s only just getting’ started. All this is to make King Ram let Mo’s people go, but he has a hard job letting anything go never mind a million or two slaves. Well, things just get worse, this takes another hour and I’m mall outa popcorn so I nips down to see the usherette. When I get back from the over friendly usherette I musta’ missed summat cos’ old Mo had only gone and set everyone free. He’s pretty slick for an old fella.
To wind things up it’s a pretty good movie. Plenty of stuff happening and all at good pace. Make sure you take plenty of stash as this is one epic tale.

Until the next time. This has been Bastorn, like a good dagger keep it sharp.